Sunday, 13 May 2012

Another 365 days around the Sun - Today is my birthday.

It's happened again, I woke up this morning and it was my birthday.  I am on an island in East Indonesia called Gill Tawangan where there is no motorized vehicles, just horse and cart and bicycles.  Everything is shipped onto the island, its tiny, its a tropical playground, snorkling, diving, beach cafes, restaurants and bars.  I made the decision at my dumb 30th birthday to never again have a dumb birthday.  So I haven't.

I've had private room parties in Melbourne, Sky dived in NZ, decadent days in the Gold Coast hinterland and a myriad of other things. So of course this year is no exception.  A solitary retreat to a remote island to rest, relax, reflect and rejoice.

I share my birthday was my beloved cousin Georgia, she was born on my 10th birthday, it was one of the best birthdays of my life.  I remember thinking how kind and loving that my Auntie Sue waited until my birthday and what an incredible gift she did.  Georgia and I have a love I have never witnessed before, I can't even begin to describe it here.

Funnily enough my ex-husband had a daughter 3 years ago ON MY BIRTHDAY, and as you can imagine that is just massively funny.

My blog last year on this day was an expression of how grateful and unbelievable the year before had been and how I was happier than I could of ever imagined.

Well, here I am 1 year later and Holy Fucken Duck Shit.............(ha ha ha, the things that come out of your fingers when you're typing and not thinking).

I don't even know if I could give it justice in the simple words of the english language.  Sure I have had 3 significant meltdowns in my life to date, which are where the greatest growth come from, thank christ they aren't as abundant as they were in the past.  I have now managed to spend the majority of my days in total heart space and recognize every moment for what it is here for.  That everything is presented to us for the greater good; the good, the bad and the ugly.  Appreciating that makes the shift Through so much easier and expedient. 

I aspired for a long time to be in a state of ease and grace while living out life, I feel that I am able to do that the vast majority of the time.

Living in Bali, for me, creates the perfect platform for my soul to vibrate at for the greatest expansion of my souls purpose.  And my souls purpose is simply to stand comfortably in my skin while smiling and laughing often, feeling the expansion of love energy and the ripple effect that that creates within others.  Being Kind to myself and to others, having a lot of fun and never trying to be perfect.  Recognizing that my polarities are my strengths and everything in between is my juice.  Embracing my connection with source/self and expressing Unity to all mankind.  And whatever else makes me make funny expressive noises that those who know me, know what I'm talking about.  And lastly, to have Goosebumps often.

I landed on the island after my last 5 day Spiritual Journey , it was epic, it was massive, it was energetically extreme, it was stunningly an honor to be part of.  The night after I had a few journeyers left in Bali and I took them up to my Spiritual masters home for a midnight ceremony.  We finished at 5.30am, I was on a fastboat at 7am, I slept from my house to the port, on the boat to the island and then at 3pm, I had a 3 hour nanna nap.  Then my body caught on what was going on....................She's down, lets keep her down, my body decided to go into shutdown, aching, exhaustion, coughing and a little headache.  I had a shower and felt refreshed and warm.  It was cold and raining and conducive to resting my shattered body.  I got really soft, gentle and very kind with myself.  I turned on the self-love  that my soul needed and deserved.  Being in a space and place that was encouraging of such made me smile, it felt so good to be so gentle with myself.  Its lasted all birthday and its really freakin yummy.  A solitary birthday get-away full of self-care, self-respect and self-love is really really really working for me.

And this glass of stunning Australian Red Wine that one of my gorgeous sistas gave me when she came Journeying with me last week.   Oh my, you just don't get wine like this in Bali and I LOVE RED WINE.  

The thing I get this year, after reflection, is that, It is all possible, because we are living it.  Now is what we have and in that moment anything is possible.  It's crazy, taking full responsibility for your experiences and recognizing that the most annoying situations are a mere reflection of what you need to work on within yourself, not blaming anyone or anything for your life and how its panning out.  Deciding that YOU are worth it, that you are going to be there for YOU, this has been a biggy this year.   I was in a bit of a sink or swim situation in March, self sabotage was breathing down my neck and old patterning was flashing bright shiny lights at me...........I could see where this was going.  I observed it, I stepped out of it and thought, Ohhhhhhh shit, this doesn't look good.  So I literally stood up out of the meditation and said.  Fuck it, I'm not going there.  I am too far gone to go there, I know I cannot Unevolve, but Now, I choose ME, I'm going to be there for ME, I'm going to treat this situation as if it was one of my closest friends and how intently and passionately I would help them to step up, shift through and retain the lesson.  It's time for me to really be there for ME.  

And I did, and holy crap, fancy freakin that.  The outcome was way beyond extraordinary.  Me and I, created a whole new relationship, where we didn't bash each other up, we didn't put each other down, we didn't sabotage each other.  We stopped, we really looked at each other and decided to respect, nurture and care deeply.  Who would've thought, being kind to yourself creates a whole new paradigm.  And then all you want to do is share and love with others.  Hhhhhhmmmmm, fascinating.  

Now time for lots more kindness as I have a massive few weeks ahead of me.  When I get back to Bali I will be assisting the lovely Morgana Rae from the States with her, Money Goddess Retreat, her whole premise is to treat money like your lover, I'm looking forward to working with her for sure.  3 days off, then assisting Chris Howard with his MDMM group, which I have done for him over the last year now.  Then June 1, the next NikStarr Spiritual Journey.   Which I'm so so so so so  excited about, the group that has gathered is magnificent, it's going to be wild.

So, I bid you farewell and I thank each and everyone of you for sharing this time with me, to everyone and everything in the universe, I love you.  That's it.  Simple.

Terima Kasih Tuhan.



  1. this took me to a peaceful place within when I read it... indeed a quest... to love myself... thanks for sharing this my beautiful friend/sista Nik, words can't really describe my whole response.. just .... more love.. for you. <3

  2. Thedooleys201014 May 2012 at 11:05