Nicole Phoenix Starr

Surrendering like I never knew existed.

I’ll set the scene for you.  I’m a few weeks into my Spiritual Master Training and I am advised very strongly that I should attend a ceremony up in the village of Bongkasa in Bali.  Always up for a ceremony of course I attend.

I travel with a group of my Balinese family, Mudra Lilit Bali.  We arrive at Bongkasa to find a huge gathering of what I thought was around 600 Balinese but later find out is around 1200.  We watch the dancing, the story telling through expression and dance and eventually go to a local compound for some dinner before returning around midnight for when the real action is to take place.

We return to the temple and take our place at the back of the main temple a little away from the main arena where all the different parts of the ceremony occur.  Different groups of people come in and pray and present offerings and move on.

Eventually there is a lot of commotion out in the arena area, they are bringing in four men that have been put under hypnosis and are wrapped up like Mummys (on stretcher type things) and are decorated in flowers and things.  They are taken and placed in a Bale (Balinese open roofed area), where several priests are chanting and doing a lot of ceremony stuff.  I can see that the guys are breathing very slowly and are totally out of it.  After some time they are then taken into the main temple and unwrapped and there is a whole lot more chanting.  They are sprayed with Holy Water and slowly they come alive.  They sit and pray for a while and then are taken back to the main arena area.  Another man emerges with a mask on, he puts the guys into trance and gives them Balinese swords each called a Kris.

They are running around looking like crazy men and it’s all very exciting.  They start grabbing men out of the crowd and holding them while the men come at them with the swords, fascinating enough they don’t seem to be getting hurt.

THEN…before I know it, Jero Mangku Alit (3^rd main Jero from Mudra Lilit Bali), has got me by the arm and is pulling me down the stairs towards the area where the men with swords in trance are.

It all happened so fast that I was in the middle before I knew it.  Before going to the ceremony I knew the premise of the ceremony and was very excited to witness this rumoured stabbing event.  I guess on reflection a part of me wanted to experience it but I really didn’t think it would actually happen to me.  So when I was almost at the bottom of the stairs I recall thinking, oh well, here we go, thoughts create things.  Then everything went into overdrive.  I was in the middle of the arena, there were indeed 1200 Balinese cheering and yelling and yahooing at the Bule (white person to the Balinese).  Two men had each of my arms and I looked up and about 10 metres away a man in trance with a Kris was coming straight for me, full pelt, Kris pointed at my stomach, I started screaming and fighting and saying, Oh My God, Oh My God, I was fighting so hard, I didn’t really think I was going to die or anything but I didn’t really feel like I was in this world, I was just doing reaction.  The guy hit me just above my belly button, Boooooooooooooof, I went backwards, I grabbed the Kris with my hands and was trying to stop it, but his strength was out of this world.  The cheering got louder and I kept fighting and then all of a sudden it felt like I could see these peoples faces but not really hear the noise.  Then I heard a voice in my head say, well this is what you wanted, you are in it, why are you fighting?  And instantly I knew that this was an extraordinary opportunity for me to totally surrender.  I let go of the Kris and allowed the men to hold my arms, the man fell away.  I looked up and there was another coming at me full pelt again, this time I knew that I couldn’t fight, bammmmm, he hit me and was jabbing really really hard into my stomach, I was watching the Kris push my stomach very deeply in yet it wasn’t really hurting me nor was it piercing me. Then he fell away, I look up again.  Another was on his way, he came in just as hard as the last, I then thought about how grateful I was to be getting stabbed in the stomach by a man in trance with a Balinese sword and then he was gone.   The last one just stood there and looked at me and didn’t come for me.  I looked around at the crowd, I saw members of my family crying, it was freakin euphoric.  I was then blessed with the Holy Water and lead back up the stairs to where Jero, my spiritual leader was.

On walking back, the only way to describe how I was feeling was having a complete soul breathing shaking cellular orgasm,  every part of my body was vibrating, I could hardly breathe, I was flanked by all my family saying Nicole, Nicole, Nicole, I went and sat down and after some time regained composure.  I then closed my eyes and felt into the part of my stomach that had been hit, it started to expand and I was feeling very flighty.  I was having trouble keeping it together, I went over to Jero and said, I feel like I’m on some weird drug and I can’t ground myself.  He energized a bottle of water for me and I drank it.  In no time I came back into myself and was ok.  Another night in the life of NikStarr.

What I learnt from this incredible experience was a myriad of things but the most paramount was certainly, trusting myself and the process.  That life gives you exactly what you need.  I got totally that surrendering and having faith, no harm would come to me and in fact it would expand my essence further.

I had a de-brief with Robby, the Mangku that opened my heart chakra just over a year ago from this event, the day after.  He said to me.  We were planning on sending more in.  I said, WHAT?  He said it again.  I said, hold on; this was planned, it wasn’t just a part of the flow that Mangku Alit grabbed me.  He laughed, he said, Nicole you are in Master Training.  I said, Ohhhhhh.  Apparently, they were planning on sending more in to stab me but my energy grew too big and they could no longer penetrate my field.  Robby then said, it worked out far better than we anticipated, you did very very well.  I was gobsmacked but not surprised by this time.   Just another test, perfect.

Now I don’t expect many people to be getting stabbed in life but in sharing this story I would just like to suggest that you take stead in the knowing that everything happens for a reason and when the opportunity comes up that you are way out of your comfort zone that surrendering to the moment is a fine idea, you will most definitely find the outcome way beyond your realm of thinking and find a place of unimaginable.

Opportunities cross our path every day where it seems frightening, yet in the fine art of surrender we can experience a whole new level of what we can actually achieve.

Love,

Nik.

www.nikstarr.com