The Journey Within. - (An article that I wrote that will be published next month).
My name is Nicole Phoenix Starr, I live an extraordinary inspired life in Bali, Indonesia. Things always weren’t this way. I grew up in Australia as a gifted child, a NSW Water Skiing Champion, an Australian Ballroom Dancing Champion, a part-time model, had occasional spots on TV doing childrens shows dancing, commercial advertisements and was even an extra as a dancer in a Russell Crowe movie. Yet by the age of 16 I felt burnt out, confused and very very sad and lonely. All I wanted was a sense of peace and self. So the obvious thing to me at that time was to start looking externally for such things.
By 19, I had left my home town and wondered around Qld, the NT and Melbourne searching for happiness. One would not be surprised that I didn’t find it. I thought perhaps I would find it in a career, as an Air Traffic Control simulator trainer, but what I found there was a husband and eventually 2 children. Glimpses of joy, peace and happiness were evident, knowing what I know now, at that time I allowed that to govern my soul and when things didn’t work out, I walked away.
I immersed myself in Personal Development, my saviour! I educated, studied and implemented all that resonated with me. I had a ferocious curiosity about the expansion of the mind, responsibility for ones outcomes and life experiences. I recognised I was never taught the skills and tools that were necessary for me to have the objective to ‘see’. It was time to take responsibility for the life I wished to have.
I had three different businesses over the next several years, always experiencing a respectful level of success and achievement. Yet still, I wasn’t happen in my own skin, there was many things missing, I Knew there was more, I wasn’t happy enough to settle for mediocrity. After my partner suddenly passed away in 2009, things got very interesting, there were no more excuses.
Through my awareness and many synchronistic events I found myself in Bali in October 2010, here I got the call, very very loudly. What came out of my mouth, much to my surprize one day in Ubud was, “I’m moving to Bali”. Shaking my head on hearing those words for the first time and for them to be falling out of my mouth was mind blowing. Then I remembered a conversation that I had had with my ex-husband telling me that he had taken a job starting the next year 1500kms away from where we were living. Our lives would change forever as would our co-parenting arrangement. He had in fact created the space for me to live anywhere in the world.
I went back to Australia and with the most incredible unexpected ease I sold my business. I sold everything I owned, what I didn’t sell, I gave to my friends and what was left I gave to charity. I sold my car. I had 2 small boxes which I left at my cousins house, I had 2 suitcases to my name. I boarded a plane to Bali with no plan and no idea. There was this greater force that I couldn’t ignore and I willingly allowed myself to be taken on the most unimaginable journey of my life.
Within two weeks I had been introduced to the Mudra Lilit Bali Spiritual Family. Immediately I felt at home. It is so hard to describe the unconditional love that these people exude. They love people purely because they are human beings. There is zero expectation, zero judgement and excessive desires to be of service and help in anything at all.
I was fascinated with the spiritual energy work that they were doing. They work with Kundalini energy and also the energy of Ratu Gede (Highest Balinese God) and Durga (Warrior Goddess). Masculine and Feminine. Watching the meditations, the prayer sessions, the soul transferences, the healings, the love, I truly felt as if I had come home. Everything that I ever desired appeared in front of my eyes. It was rather confusing at times, which of course is part of the process when one dives into this type of life.
Every 15 days I attend the midnight ceremony called Kajeng Kliwon as well the other ceremonies for all the Holy days in Bali. During this time I observed and learnt intimately how the energy works, how to work with the energy, how to understand how to apply this to all areas of my life. To integrate the learnings so I naturally was living in this state and living the life that I had spent a thousand hours desiring thus far.
October 2011, things started to really shake up, Bali was hit by the biggest earthquake in history, fortunately very little damage to the island and no fatalities. What it did do was shake the shit out of me. I had gotten to a place where I thought I had no fear, fear had all be eliminated from my being. The earthquake showed me and I realized that this was not the case. It took me nearly two weeks to get through that internal shakeup and I looked very very deep within and peeled back many layers. Meditation was my medicine and peace was finally found.
Bam………….21 December 2011, Summer Solstice, I did a ceremony and meditation on the beach with a close friend. It was a powerful beautiful ceremony, then during the meditation I had a visit from my ex-partner, we have had much communication since his passing, this was not uncommon. I found it very difficult to understand what he was trying to convey to me at the time, the point is he said, that we would be together again very soon. I didn’t get the feeling that I would die but it confused the hell out of me.
Up until Christmas day, I felt like I was losing my mind, the confusion took over me, I couldn’t ground myself and I tried everything in my power to stop the chaos within but nothing worked. Then I realized what I had to do……………Ask for help. Fancy that.
On Boxing day, I was planning on going up to the north of Bali to spend several days up at one of the MLB mangku’s villages to meditate, talk spiritual things and immerse myself in the opportunity of several days with an English speaking master. I was to ride myself the 2hrs there but knew I was in no state to manage that. I drove to the Yayasan, (Balinese word for Foundation, Mudra Lilit Bali is building a foundation to spread the work we are doing), knowing my Spiritual Leader, Jero, was there, I walked in and couldn’t stop crying.
One of my brothers sat with me on Google Translate and I shared what had been happening, when I explained that I had left my body several times, he smiled and was beaming, apparently that’s a very clever thing to do. And everything that I explained to him delighted him, as he could see I had risen to a higher level in my spirituality.
Eventually Jero came out and my brother explained a little to him and then he read my google thread. He too smiled widely. Apparently in regards to what I had shared it was something a lot of spiritual people aspire to do but are unable to achieve. I was not to be frightened I was to recognize it was the new power within me, that I was just finding its space within me.
We then discussed the uncomfortableness in the past, the two bouts of depression I had suffered earlier in my life, suicidal thoughts and basically every single question I have ever had, he Answered. I cannot begin to explain how that was or what happened within me. All I know is that everything shifted, a complete sense of calm came over me. I knew what my purpose was and that was to shine, to be me, the best me I could possibly be. I had nothing to fear and everything was exactly as it should be.
There is such depth to this story, I will put it into dot points to allow it to be as concise as possible.
· Jero insisted on accompanying me to Singaraja, we went with Gedot, one brother translator. On the way, we were talking about future of the Yayasan, I told him that I had had a vision and was planning on doing these retreats, I started telling him the beginning. Jero stopped me and told Gedot that he would tell me what would come next. I was very intrigued that Jero thought he could tell me the end of my visions. Apparently, Master Untung (MLB grandmaster in Java) had told him 10 days before about what was going to happen with the Yayasan and Nicoles role in that. Jero through Gedot explained exactly my vision that Master Untung had told him in Java. Whoa I was blown away at the exact details.
· We got to Singaraja, eventually I got to Jero Paseks village (number 2 Jero, English speaking Mangku from MLB), the next 4 days I slept a lot, meditated a lot and felt as if I was having a whole soul recalibration.
· I returned to my home and glided through to New Years Eve, where I spent 11.30pm until 12.30am in my Temple. It was an incredible way to leave 2011 and enter the magic of 2012.
· On 14th Jan, Robby (who is the mangku that opened my heart chakra) came back from working abroad. We spent a lot of time together, we did some journeys to different temples, Chinese New Year ceremony and cleansing. I see now that he was preparing me for what came next.
· I was told that it was time for me to start my Masters training. Awesome, sweet, my many hours of daydreaming were coming to fruition in the most unimaginable ways. The next day was Kajeng Kliwon, the name of the ceremony we do every 15 days at midnight , where I was to be downloaded with the first program of Master. I was put in the Holy Room and it was one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had.
· Then about 2 hours later something truly profound happened. A woman came over to me and asked me to transfer my energy to her. I put my hand over her hand and started sending her my love energy straight from my heart chakra, it kept getting deeper and my breathing became laboured at times. Then after about 15 minutes of this she started shaking and going into trance, then the screaming started and the flipping around on the ground in what looked like a fit, I sat back and watched in awe. I thought to myself, oh..my..god, what have I done, everyone around me just watched and let her go, she was crying out all her pain, all her sadness and all that had evidently been bottled up inside her for a very long time. She was calling out for Durga (the warrior goddess) to help her. Eventually Robby came and took her into the Holy Room, doused her in Holy Water and finally got her to come back to state. As you can imagine I was sitting there thinking all sorts of things. She came out of the Holy Room and came and held me and said, many times over in my ear, Terima Kasih, Terima Kasih, Terima Kasih (Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou). Not long after she went home after bowing when holding my hands saying goodbye. I was like….Ok, someone has to explain to me what just happened. Everyone was staring at me, shaking their head in amazement, thumbs up and a lot of smiling. You see, what I had just done was activate her Kundalini. Hence, her huge gratitude and everything else that went with it. I sat with the experience and later meditated on it. My cells were vibrating intensely and I was beyond grateful for this life that just keeps becoming more and more profound in every moment.
· Since then many more things have happened, no doubt. I will share getting stabbed three times in the stomach by men in trance with Balinese swords called Krises in my next post. Epic night that was. I sustained zero injuries.
- In March I took an incredible group of 10 people on a Spiritual Journey through Bali, over five days we did so many things, on the last two days many of the Mudra Lilit Bali family accompanied us through the activation of the particpants Opening Heart Chakra process. I facilitated this group through an experience that exceeded even my expectations, it was truly out of this world. After each attunement of the process, four in total until chakra finally open, I asked how they were feeling, each time they were more and more loved up, blissful and humbled. Eventually they were speechless, literally unable to speak. The funny thing was by the end of our last gathering together on the beach, I was thinking, wow we did it, I’m a little surprised I’m not overwhelmed with emotion right now but what I felt was that it had very little to do with me. I was merely the vehicle that bought the people together to join in the space to create the experience, the transformation, I was just another grain of sand on the beach, experiencing the same experience yet totally very very personal .......I was standing in the middle of the circle of 50 people, who had their eyes closed sending their expanded love to the universe and I knew in that moment, that it was because of a part of me that bought it together and yes it was a huge thing but what I was, was simply grateful for that moment and its incredible beauty and it was exactly the way it was supposed to be according to gods plan. And then I smiled.
It is such an honor and pleasure to be able to share this world that I live in with others. To be able to support and encourage others to expand their souls and live from their heart space. I am truly grateful to be in such a position to allow anyone to come and experience it.
So, if you feel this is something that you would like to experience I have three more retreat dates so far this year and you can check it out at www.nikstarr.com.
Until next time, huge love, massive hugs and a whole lot of grace.