Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Feminine Power.....this blog contains the words menstruation and tampons.

I have a very personal experience to share that I expected yet has completely surprised me.

You see almost 9 years ago after the birth of my my son I was encouraged by my GP to get an IUD called a Mirena.  A device inserted into my body for the purpose of birth control that lasts for 5 years and often stops all menstruation. So when I was almost 30 I had the procedure done and then after 6 months all menstruation ceased.  Although I had never had any problems with my period I was rather pleased with this side effect until the day I went to a womens conference that was talking about womens cycles with the moon and the importance of such things.  I went back to my GP with my hands on my face stating that I was worried that my feminine connection to the moon was missing and that I was concerned that the IUD was not for me.  She told me that I was still experiencing a very normal cycle and that I just lived in a modern age where technology made it possible for me to not have to physically bleed.  This news suited me greatly and I went on happily with my life with zero need for feminine products or fear of forgetting pills, buying condoms or counting days.  After 5 years I had a remove and replace and all was fine and dandy in my body. I never felt the device inside me, I had friends freak out with the thought of a foreign object inside them but for me it was a match made in heaven.

Until.......the day came when I had been living in Bali for several months and had started engaging in high energy work and extended meditation.  For the first time in my life I felt a sense of 'feeling the Mirena', it wasn't painful or anything it was just strange.   I put some thought into this and decided that maybe after all these years it was time for it to go.  As it had served me so well I was resistant to the thought of bleeding every month, of buying sanitary products as such and so I just rolled with the situation.

The more I delved into my practise and study the more the signs came up.  I started focusing a lot on my feminine energy, I had been operating primarily from my masculine for so long, as a single mother, a business owner, as a don't fuck with me tough chick.  I realized that paradigm was not serving me any longer it was time to live in a more feminine state.  At the time the connection between my womanly ways was not apparent.  It was not until I was reading Lynn Andrews books and got to the part about women and their power house, that they were the most powerful when they were menstruating that something triggered a memory I had.  I recalled learning many years before that before electricity was invented that all women used to bleed at exactly the same time, on the new moon.  That back in the day, women would all gather at this time to support each other, to sit in their power and create, manifest and be the divine beings that they were born to be. Studies believe that the electricity created an interruption which caused women to bleed at different times. 

I then learnt, that back in the day that women weren't allowed in temples or holy places during this time because they were too powerful and that they had more important work to do while the men were praying and offering to god.

Something was happening inside me now that made it very evident that my life with my Mirena was coming to a close. 

I did some research into having a removal done here in Bali but soon after made plans to go back to Australia for a visit.  I realized that this was the perfect opportunity for this to happen.  I had a little trepidation yet a huge part of me was very excited.  I knew that for me to reclaim my full feminine power I had to clear all the pathways of my chakras and allow the energy to flow naturally for me to be.

So on the 9th of December I had the IUD removed, during that time, I had my eyes closed and my legs open on the table in my same GPs office and I gave great gratitude to the time we had spent together and embraced the space that it left behind for me to go onto the next part of my journey.

I was told that as it had been 8 years since I had a period that nothing would happen for a few weeks and that my body would return on its own accord.  Before I left Australia I went to the supermarket and bought some tampons and some pads and found an incredible range available, it had been 8 years since I had looked on the shelves at such things.  Pretty boxes, tins, all sorts of things, it was actually really really fun.

2 days ago, I came back from my morning run along the foreshore of Sanur beach and I was walking up the stairs and I felt this strange mini cramping in my belly, I sat on the stairs and instantly thought wow, that kinda feels like a period pain, it subsided quite fast and I didn't think much more about it.  An hour or so later it became quite evident that my body was ready to bleed again, Whoaaa.........ok, I was a little perplexed and then over the course of the next few hours my body became only what I can describe as 'sensitized', I wasn't feeling terribly emotional or fragile or vulnerable, just vibrating a little differently.  In hindsight now, I realize that it was my body experiencing the flow that it hadn't in a very long time.  It was a gentle fuzzling within that required me to be gentle and considerate and loving of myself.  Once I realized this I smiled deeply.  I honored that space within me and allowed my body and soul to be.  That night I was to go to the beach to do high energy meditation with my balinese spiritual family with our grand master who was over from Java.  I thought how freakin incredible that the universe had conspired for me to be there in that very moment for me to reclaim my incredibly desired feminine power.  I sat with my family and we did many exercises until 2am.  I came home and read until 4.  I slept very soundly.

I had a 11am business meeting the next day, I rose feeling very yummy, I had my shower and went into my stock pile of new feminine products and had this whole sense of soft girlyness, of gentleness, of nurturing myself, everything was exuding prettiness.  I realized in that moment that everything was exactly as it should be.  That I was balanced, in harmony and totally at peace. 

I am so loving having my period, I am so loving feeling so womanly.  I am so loving feeling the gentle assured feminine power within me.

I honor the Divine Feminine and her completeness. 

I share with you this story to remind you all that our powerhouse is within us, embrace it, nurture it and love yourself completely. 

Beauty is everywhere and for the first time in a long time looking through my soft smiling eyes I see stunningness personified.

I have the greatest love to my soul sisters that supported, guided, held my hand and loved me unconditionally through this process.  That's what sisterhood is about.  And to all my global soul sisters, may you shine divinely in your beautiful femininity, for it is a gift of our birthright.

I know that this is an integral part for my continued journey, I feel so excited to be facilitating my first group Spiritual Journey here in Bali in March.  I know that its going to be way beyond my wildest dreams.

I love being a woman in this incredible time that we are all living in and I love standing beside the divine masculine energy that loves and supports me everywhere everyday. 

2012 is indeed living up to its reputation.

Much love.

Nik. xoxo


  1. Thank you for the wonderful insight into reconnecting with your feminine flow. Having not had a period for some near 10 years, I'd totally forgotten about monthly cycles. I mourned the loss of my womanhood at the time due to severe endometriosis and was so stunned to find my mind unable to call me any gender - I became an 'it', I could only think of myslef as an 'it' - how bizarre and sad. In itself it became such a clear message to me of how separate and alien my mind was from my body, and both from my Self; and I must admit, whilst i've grieved and come to accept the loss of my female organs, I am yet to re-connect with body and mind. Thank you for allowing me to reflect on the such xox Vroni

  2. Darling Vroni, may your reflection encourage your re-connection. Much love. xoxo