Friday, 25 April 2014

Finding a rapist on the path to enlightenment. Then what happened........

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?  ~
A little Nik inspiration for you today.

1 year ago today I drew the proverbially line in the sand and stepped over it, never to return. 

Agama Ashram on the island of Koh Phangan, Thailand; had been calling me for almost a year.  In true Nik fashion I listened to the call and March last year I went about ‘seeing’ if the time was right to go.  I had finished up my house contract by the beach, I was house sitting in Ubud and planning on a April school holiday visit to Cairns.  I had committed to being a gypsy for awhile, again unsure why and for the first time in 20 years was without home or base.  I checked the flights, pretty much all on special.  The flight from Bali to KL was $4.19, not sure why and the flight from KL to Koh Samui was $30, it was fairly clear that it was time to go.  I booked into their Tantra 1 course, a friend of mine was on the island attending various courses and Shakti dance teacher training at the ashram, I could stay with her. 

I had no idea what I was in for or what was really going on.  I arrived and observed.  I found out that this was not what my sub-conscious thought.  I was about to learn about the divine masculine and the divine feminine on a whole new level.  An area in my life that needed much work.  Fancy that.

I began to delve into the teachings, I absorbed it all like a torrent to a sponge, my soul was yearning this stuff.  I could see the shift in my vibration that had occurred the previous months before and all the uncomfort and stretching of my being was leading me to this time.

Our souls purpose is to evolve, to continue to evolve with the goal of evolution.  Our egos and human condition challenge that and as a consequence we experience perturbation.  Which at times can be really painful, annoying, frustrating and completely what feels like soul destroying.  But it is these moments that are gearing us up for the Letting Go.  The evolution of our karma that we have created.  It’s all very purposeful and when we can see the storm before the calm as necessary then we are in a far better position to sail these waters.

So much happened, what I wish to share with you today is the BIG STUFF.  It was TODAY 25 April 2013 that I was sitting in class doing a transfiguration process, where you stare into the eyes of a stranger and see beyond their humanness and deep into their soul.  The process involves connecting with the divine and very specific intention before the process, I was able to see the soul of this man that I don’t even recall what his face looked like, I saw him as purity, as Shiva.  It was a powerful moving connection that I had not experienced at such depth before. 

That night the Swami of the Ashram was doing Satsang, (a talk on spiritual wisdom) and afterwards a yang spiral meditation full moon ceremony.  I was feeling rather exhausted from my continual travels, all the work and the energy.  I was also juicing at the time, kind of unintentionally, it was just easier with what I was doing, making a big batch of juice and taking to class and then all that was happening.  I was in a high vibe state cellularly and in a constant state of allowing the divine to work with me.

Sooooooooooo, it was around 8.35pm we snuck into the side of the room of the Satsang, only a few minutes late but he had started speaking….. Sitting quietly and absorbing the wisdom of this man with a huge presence and extremely strong energy.  He was talking about the spiritual path, ones commitment to it and what it meant to honor your very own soul.  The longer I sat there I felt everyone in the room dissolve and it felt as if he was speaking directly to me.  A sure sign that I needed to hear what was being said and I had co-created this moment exactly for a grand evolution opportunity.  I was transfixed on this man and all that he had to say to my soul.

It was Full Moon and there was a full moon party about to start on the other side of the island.  Once many moons ago I would have been in the thick of that but here I was listening about soul purpose.  You couldn’t have gotten me out of there with anything that night.  He was talking about how everyone in the room was on the path otherwise they would not be sitting in an ashram as a student, either undertaking extreme Yoga trainings, or Tantra Yoga as per was the current other course.  Yet most of them were only half committed.  That they basically had one foot in and one foot out.  That they would spend their time doing 5 hours of yoga a day, then go out to a bar eat a steak, have a glass of wine and talk negatively about their fellow students.  How we put ourselves in the situations and then go home and resume life before.  That this was the vast majority of humanity.  He started getting very stern in his thoughts around this.  How we were a manifestation of the divine yet we still indulged in our egoic human story most of the time.  Then he said, ‘those words’.

STOP FUCKING AROUND, YOU ARE EITHER IN OR YOU ARE OUT.  STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH GOD.  I sat there, guffawed.  ‘Swearing Swami ~ my kinda man’, he had my attention. 

(I have been a vegetarian off and on most of my adult life, not by great choice.  It was like sometimes my body just didn’t feel like it or want it.  Sometimes I simply couldn’t stomach meat.  I hadn’t had any since January, my vibration had become more and more pure with the work I had be doing.  Eating meat just made me felt weird.)

He went on about this so-called balance thing, about having just one glass of wine.  Or just some fun times.  He spoke of the seriousness of commitment and the seriousness of your word.

I knew what I had to do……………………the time had ripened.   I was here NOW for a reason, it was to finally fully commit to my soul destiny and to get both feet over the line and to STOP FUCKING AROUND.  OMG…………….Here I was NOW, it was time.  It was now or never type feeling….. my brain said, I just want one more glass of beautiful velvety Australian red merlot, I almost slapped myself, this is the ignorance he talks about.  The pleasure seeking low vibrational bullshit story of the ego and human condition.  Holy shit, could I do it.  Could I literally step over this LINE, commit to my soul, this life, my evolution to actually for the first time ever, make an eternal decision intentionally and not waiver.  NEVER CHANGE MY MIND.

WELL, this is what it’s all about RIGHT.  To let go of all attachments, to be willing to do anything and everything.   I don’t know what I was going to do or how or what would happen but I knew the seriousness of all of this.  The insane series of events leading up to the moment, prepared me in no way, except every way, it does make sense.  I just had to go deep within me and pull out my Power, my Will, my Warrior, my Love, my EVERYTHING.  Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkk…… I’m doing it.  I’m going to never drink, smoke or eat meat again were the first easy agreements I made with the Divine Source in that moment.  I closed my eyes for the closing meditation and I appeared to be sitting on a Lotus Flower, the light was so intense.  It was GOD in front of me, I was about to lose my shit as I had never seen, felt, sat before the great divine with such intensity before.  I had been MET with my intention.  I spoke of my intention, my commitment, my agreement and how I will now get up off my Lotus, draw a line in the sand before me and walk over it, NEVER to go back.  I am a committed soul on the spiritual path, I will step up and fulfil my karmic contract of this lifetime and so much more of it was the Will of Grace.  (little did I know what that statement meant until this last month, more on that later). 

I KNEW that it was done and my life was going to look dramatically different now.  I was ready for that, I knew I had to mourn my close relationship with my divine red wine that had been my companion for so many years; yet I didn’t at all, within a month it was like I had flicked a switch that day and it was never part of my life.  

So that was kinda huge, and now I had to go into the Yang Spiral Meditation.  I thought, I will just go in there and rest, yep that’s what I will do, I’ll just close my eyes and rest after that insane crazy massive action event.

Hahahhahahahhahahhahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…………… AS IF, that was going to happen.  This is how it works.  All the star signs are lined up, from Aries  to Pisces, male/female/male/female, Aries start on the outside and a spiral is made into the centre and a human chain is formed.

we stand there all holding hands, right hand up, left hand down.  There is a woman in the centre, the highest student in the ashram and she is holding the energy at the centre of the spiral and will eventually send the energy she brings in through her hand and into the spiral.  So remember I was just going to stand there and rest while this was happening.  Lights are out, candles on and the music starts……………………..REALLY LOUD TRANCE MANTRA DANCE MUSIC………………Holy shit.  Boommmmmmm, I knew I was in for a ride, and surrenderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…… Here we go.

So I’m standing there, as it’s a standing meditation, holding hands, eyes closed for An Hour.  I feel the energy come through, Bammmmmmmmmm!!!, whoa, ok, expand heart, these waves keep going and I start to get taken.  I start getting images of relationships in my life, with the masculine, starting from my first boyfriend and mostly I was seeing ‘not so nice stuff going on’, I sense these are hurts and such stuck in my body that I hadn’t processed perhaps, just ignored or numbed out.  I was able to see these couple of guys, their faces appeared to me and I was able to meet their gaze, I found myself forgiving them for their actions, for the single event which had not been very nice and recognized them as fellow souls.  Was very interesting.  This went on for a little bit and then IT happened.  My rapist was in front of me (clear as day it was like if I wanted to I could have touched him), I didn’t want to run surprisingly, I faced him, the hideous event of what had happened passed through my mind yet I stared in his eyes.  I stared and stared and stared and then realised I was transfiguring into his soul, deep into his soul, I was able to see far beyond one fuct up incident into this manifestation of God, and I saw him as that, pure Shiva, I felt the tears streaming down my face and I kept staring and then my heart exploded, I loved this soul like I had never experienced love before, this was what unconditional love was.  As I thought I had done the work on this one, I was surprised at first but then I saw what was going on.  I hugged this soul and gave great gratitude for his role in my incredible evolution to this moment.  Then some more came, my ex-husband and ex partner and it was truly beautiful transfiguring all our stuff and seeing the purity of their soul and our soul journey.  Then my 2nd rapist arrived (I was a slow learner obviously, attracting such hideous incidents into my life to learn big life lessons), this one was a double edged sword.  He had roofied me, drugged me and as a consequence coming out of the haze I had a full Kundalini Awakening, freaking insanity.  I stared at his eyes and again, was able to see deep into his soul and see him as a manifestation of God.  I thanked him for all he had presented to my soul.  So much to process, again, these actions were a massive part of my path and these events were simply that, as a soul he is eternal.  This learning and understanding was paramount for what I was to do next…

For now, I think that is enough sharing. 

Why I’m sharing this?  I am a speaker of truth, I am a guide for others and I am an evolutionist with unwaiverable commitment.  I am LOVE. 

This last month I have been gifted more ‘opportunities’ for great evolution, and in that I have fully embodied Grace, of which I was unaware of back then a year ago today.  In Grace, all evolution comes with far more ease.  There are no roller coasters for me anymore, no more intensity, just beautiful evolution in whatever format it is presented.  Then eventually the BLESSONS are mirrored to your vibration.  As a consequence, of my massive soul commitment to my soul path, I am honoured with showerings of Blessings right now. 

A lot of work happens before you are ready to let it all go but when you are ready, the universe shows you the sign… maybe this is the sign for you.

I am committed to assisting anyone that needs a holding hand, so if at anytime you need I am always here.

Grace and Gratitude,

Durgaji NikStarr.

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