It was such a strange state to be in. I had just left everything. Including my children, albeit for 7 weeks I thought. 3 years on they are still based in Australia and now I have another child. Our destiny, karma and lives took a very different path. The path of the unimaginable. Fortunately, we can all see it for the greater picture that it is. I am very fortunate to have such incredible, independent, intelligent and evolved children. Who have a very unique understanding of the 'divine plan', I am often very envious of their level of Awareness.
You see, this was all lined up quite some time ago, when I was having a meeting with those astral realm leader types, discussing this lifetime of mine, and when I came to earth evidently I had forgotten this important meeting of Nik's next life on earth.
I had arrived in Bali through chance. My dear friends bought me along to assist them on a research trip. I thought Bali was full of Aussie drunk footballers acting like wankers. I didn't have a clue.
When I landed I felt weird, and it wasn't the 4 gin and tonics I had had on the plane. I 'felt the energy' of the island. It embraced me, it made me feel; like I always wanted to feel, and never had managed.
I found a place of surprise, of tradition, of honoring, of devotion, of blessings, of kindness, of love. I felt very weird.
I felt at peace, I felt happy, I felt free, I felt weird.
Weird stuff started happening to me....not that unusual, weird crazy stuff has happened to me all my life. But this was different, it was if there was a force outside of me was doing something, it felt really powerful. I just kept ignoring it as I thought maybe I was going a bit looney, Again.
This photo was taken before the first massive literal knock around.
Sure, I had had a couple of drinks, was well practised back then. I was walking from my friends villa up the stairs to my villa. Almost at the top and put my hand up on a statue to pull myself up the last two stairs, the statue toppled over and I went over too, the other side of the staircase, down the step grass hill, doing THREE backwards somersaults at high speed. I recall very clearly at the time, thinking Nicole, you are such a dickhead (harsh but true), crazy assed shit happening to you again, thinking I could very well, fly off the cliff into the ravine and god knows what next. What did happen was that I finished my extreme accidental olympic nature gymnastics with the brashness of a tree pulling me up very quickly at the end of the flip. I sat there, stunned and thought, ok this has to stop. NOW..... No more silly accidents, no more smashed up body, no more freakin chaos.............I remember sitting with myself and thinking ok, I dont know what feels really different but I believe myself this time. I believe that something massive is going to change, and the roller coaster of chasing the happiness, life, dream, someshit was imminent.
Little did I know how MASSIVELY.
Bali was blowing my mind every where I turned, I couldn't understand how I was possibly feeling like I was in another dimension, yet fully aware I was on this realm; on earth.
Then 'that moment' happened. I was at the Green School, doing some filming with my friends. I was listening to one of the founders of the school talk, I had tears slightly leaking out my eyes, listening to him talk of a way of life, that only me and my daydreams knew about. It was like Bali knew all the secrets in my head.
Then.................. I opened my mouth. And out came; 'I'M MOVING TO BALI'. The words literally came out my mouth, flew around to the left hand side of my mouth, were red in color and were totally tripping me out.... How was I seeing words out of my mouth. This was getting so WEIRD.
I walked the grounds of the school in a bit of a daze, there was a mind movie playing and it involved me living a life in Bali. This did not seem conceivable at the time. I was a single Mum, with 2 businesses and a network of friends and family....there is no way this means anything. Or so I thought.
On returning home to the Sunshine Coast, Australia, this energy kept doing its thing. It was like a flood gate had opened and everything flowed, almost too easily.
So within four months, everything I owned was sold, I had 2 small boxes in my cousins garage and two suitcases containing what was left of my worldly possessions. There is so much more to this story but I left this successful, stressed seeker in the air somewhere over the outback.
Rachael Faith had left for India a month before. Nothing would ever be the same again, not even close.
I just sat in Bali and waited, I rested, I cried, I breathed, I didn't know what I was doing. I just was as gentle as I could be with myself. I had lost my partner 18 months before suddenly, I had been through the ringer. I waited. For what I was unsure. For something to happen, I don't really know in hindsight. And then I met Jero.
Energy Master. A kindred Spirit. A mystery. A savior.
Again I sat with this in humility and reverence. Often I was simply just shit scared. I could write for a trillion years of the what happened to me in the proceeding 2 years and I have started the first chapters many times. I WILL get there one day soon. This story is unbelievable, literally.
It was the hardest thing to do, live in another country than your children. Knowing that running back would be to the detriment of all your lives, that there was a massive grander purpose and mastering the law of detachment was integral to receive the blessings of these karmic contracts.
Every thing has been incredibly difficult, I have had to surrender layer upon layer upon layer upon layer. I have been stabbed by holy men in trance. I have been sat for hours on temple floors in excruciating pain. I have spent hours in a cave bearing my soul beyond my being. I have been lost in trance for 4 days with the divine Hindu deity Durga integrating my being after a shapeshifting session. And five trillion other things. I started living my daydream of a young girl, I was a modern day she-master, able to do paranormal things, with many students and spiritual journeys abound through Indonesia and India.
Then came the last thing I wanted...... a man. a lover. a partner. a relationship. . Noooooooooooooooooooooo.... seriously. I was done with me, relationships and that stuff. I had found purity in the divine, me and god were best mates and Shiva was my man.
Alas, that damn, divine plan, human life contract I created all those many moons before.
Then the mother of all mother (literally) blesson opportunities. I turn 40 and find myself pregnant.
We don't always get what we want but we always get what we need. And somehow this is what I ended up with. Somehow I got uber blessed.....
There is no WAY that 3 years ago today as I was laying on the bed in the hotel that I could ever have imagined any of this. I didn't even know what this was. All I do know is that, I'm so glad that I got out of my way, didn't listen to the fear conditioning in my head, nor the crapola of those naysayers in my life at the time.
I remember standing on the World Hindu Summit stage in May last year, thinking 'this is normal, this is where I should be, I feel as if this is very right'. I gave my speech to all the delegates and guests and loved every moment. I had reached my destination. Silence within, peace in my heart and calm in my soul.
In a few weeks, my big kids will be here with me, and my new little family will be a whole new thing, Ruby and Harley are so excited to meet LeoAnanda and after 3 years of unimaginable events, we will all be together again and who knows what will happen then.......................... It's none of my business, I'll just show up smiling, being and loving. Cause that's all I know how to do consistently in every moment and it works.
Mind blowing reflection............................ (sigh),
I was hoping to write my blog about my birth experience on Sunday but we had an incredible Inner Shakti Master come stay with us, do a fire ceremony and then a public talk, in between breast feeding I was a bit busy..... so birth blog coming soon...