Sunday, 1 May 2016

DANCE, Dance, dance......

I used to dance.  And then one day I realized I hadn’t danced for a while. I used to dance nearly every day of my entire life.  And then one day I realized I haven’t danced for a really long time.   
When my father bought me home from the hospital he danced around the whole house with ‘Little ray of sunshine’ thumping through the speakers.  Every time I saw my grandparents they were dancing.  I watched my father every night listening to music, I would hide behind the door dancing to his music.  I started with tap and then a very short moment of ballet.  Every day in the car music was playing and I would dance in my head staring out the window.  When I was 8 I took school holiday program to learn disco dancing.  I then found a place where I could dance all the time.  I became a ballroom dancer at that dance studio.  I danced everyday.  I danced at the studio. I danced in my bedroom.  I danced in the kitchen.  In my fathers bar.  I danced outside on my swingset and with my portable cassette player.  I danced all over the country.  I danced on regional, state, national and international dance floors. I had walls of trophies with dancers atop of them.  My life was to dance. I was free in my dance.  No one could take it away from me. I was anything, anyone, any any any world in my dance.  
I left that studio, I left home.  I danced in my bedroom.  I danced in the kitchen.  I danced in pubs.  I danced in bars.  I danced in clubs.  I danced in my car.  I danced in fields.  I danced in deserts.  I danced on beaches.  I danced at festivals.  I danced in my heart.
I danced through depression.  I danced through drugs.  I danced through divorce.  I danced through death.  I danced in my lounge room.  I danced in the temples.  I danced, I just danced.   I don’t remember a day I didn’t dance.
Until… that day.  I realized I hadn’t danced since he had fully penetrated my life.  He invaded my soul.  He invaded my entire being.  
I had stopped dancing. I didn’t even notice.
All the abuse, all the gas-lighting, all the deceit.  All the lies.  
I was never a victim.  I was a groomed intentional acquisition.  ….. And then it was done.  Soul Contract complete. Over. Relief.
I eventually could dance again in my meditation.  I could dance again with the divine.  I could dance in my dreams.  Yet I hadn’t danced in my human.  Some things change you.  Innocence of the heart is precious.  My innocence in my heart was my dance.  
Slowly she starts to dance…….  

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