Monday, 16 May 2011

This is the Blog I posted on my Birthday that got lost in a Blogger update.

Well today is my birthday, 38 today, which seems like a perfect day to write my first blog and share my current thoughts.
You see I recall around the age of maybe 33 or 34, I had this knowing or vision if you like that when I was 38 I would be ‘sorted’, I would feel as if ‘I had made it’, funny now on reflection what those words mean to me today.  I presumed I would have the man, the money, the houses, the car, the career, the lifestyle and the whole kit and caboodle.
But instead here I am on my 38th birthday with something very different, something totally unimaginable; I have PEACE in my heart and my soul.  Far grander that my initial ponderings, you see, surprising to some, I have grabbled with the darkness off and on in my life, I have had two serious bouts of depression and have been privy to some outlandish bad times.  Yet here I sit in a stunning villa in divine Bali calm, content and with a spirit higher than I ever thought possible.  I have just commenced a brand new life which I might add I was just a mere part playing out, I got a strong call which I allowed and followed and the consequences in surrendering have been beyond my wildest dreams.  This Tuesday just gone I took my first person on NikStarr Heart Chakra Opening Journey which was such a pleasure to facilitate, I have partnered with an incredible Balinese guy called Wiwin who shows me the true essence of a pure love filled life everyday, of gratitude, of prayer, of meditation and of intention.
I feel beyond blessed for this very moment, my soul which I have nurtured and abused over the last few years now sits comfortably in my skin, Finally.  I am 38 years old and I am truly happy, I wake up every morning smiling and beyond excited to see what transpires; except for one the other day when I woke up crying.  I was so perplexed, I couldn’t figure why my leaking eyes and my heavy heart were apparent, on deep reflection I realised that I had been abusing the high of a pure life, I had been called to balance the high I was on but my old patterning ignored this, I wanted to stay high as a kite on the wave of incredible that I had created.  My addictive personality had won out and my soul showed me that polarity was evident in every moment.  I had to embrace the high yet find the balance, come back to self, maintain meditation and continue my gratitude.  I slipped out of my tears within the hour and the lesson was retained on a cellular level.  Knowing that the learning was perfect.  I love being human.  It allows me to cry, to release, to remember to breathe.
My children are in Australia at school and living with their Dad and spending quality time with their half sister, we talk often, technology today makes it possible for us to not miss each other.  Knowing that in just weeks we will see, touch, be with each other again.  Blessed in this space.
I am now very aware of the ripple effect I have on others and in return how others affect me, to be in such a beautiful life and to be connected with soul family from all over the world, I am eternally grateful.
Only a few weeks ago I was feeling very fragmented and needed Help, I asked some poignant people to hold space for me, in Aust, India, Thailand and here in Bali, to have that is connection in todays life, through the internet it is so touching and to feel the energetic love so strong; is like nothing we could ever imagined even 10 years ago.

So I would like to give thanks on this circle around the sun that I have just made into my 38th year on planet earth, to thank my blood family, my soul family and my global family for inspiring me every day, for supporting me always and for loving me unconditionally.
I would like to give special thanks to my Balinese Lilit Family who showed me exactly what it’s like and have taken me to places in my soul that I never knew existed, I am the person that I am today because you showed me a brand new way,   Terima kasih tuhan.
There are no co-incidences, there are no mistakes, there are situations that are opportunites.
I am Nicole Phoenix Starr and I 38 years old today and I couldn’t be happier if I tried.

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