I used to dance. And then one day I realized I hadn’t danced for a while. I used to dance nearly every day of my entire life. And then one day I realized I haven’t danced for a really long time.
When my father bought me home from the hospital he danced around the whole house with ‘Little ray of sunshine’ thumping through the speakers. Every time I saw my grandparents they were dancing. I watched my father every night listening to music, I would hide behind the door dancing to his music. I started with tap and then a very short moment of ballet. Every day in the car music was playing and I would dance in my head staring out the window. When I was 8 I took school holiday program to learn disco dancing. I then found a place where I could dance all the time. I became a ballroom dancer at that dance studio. I danced everyday. I danced at the studio. I danced in my bedroom. I danced in the kitchen. In my fathers bar. I danced outside on my swingset and with my portable cassette player. I danced all over the country. I danced on regional, state, national and international dance floors. I had walls of trophies with dancers atop of them. My life was to dance. I was free in my dance. No one could take it away from me. I was anything, anyone, any any any world in my dance.
I left that studio, I left home. I danced in my bedroom. I danced in the kitchen. I danced in pubs. I danced in bars. I danced in clubs. I danced in my car. I danced in fields. I danced in deserts. I danced on beaches. I danced at festivals. I danced in my heart.
I danced through depression. I danced through drugs. I danced through divorce. I danced through death. I danced in my lounge room. I danced in the temples. I danced, I just danced. I don’t remember a day I didn’t dance.
When my father bought me home from the hospital he danced around the whole house with ‘Little ray of sunshine’ thumping through the speakers. Every time I saw my grandparents they were dancing. I watched my father every night listening to music, I would hide behind the door dancing to his music. I started with tap and then a very short moment of ballet. Every day in the car music was playing and I would dance in my head staring out the window. When I was 8 I took school holiday program to learn disco dancing. I then found a place where I could dance all the time. I became a ballroom dancer at that dance studio. I danced everyday. I danced at the studio. I danced in my bedroom. I danced in the kitchen. In my fathers bar. I danced outside on my swingset and with my portable cassette player. I danced all over the country. I danced on regional, state, national and international dance floors. I had walls of trophies with dancers atop of them. My life was to dance. I was free in my dance. No one could take it away from me. I was anything, anyone, any any any world in my dance.
I left that studio, I left home. I danced in my bedroom. I danced in the kitchen. I danced in pubs. I danced in bars. I danced in clubs. I danced in my car. I danced in fields. I danced in deserts. I danced on beaches. I danced at festivals. I danced in my heart.
Until… that day. I realized I hadn’t danced since he had fully penetrated my life. He invaded my soul. He invaded my entire being.
I had stopped dancing. I didn’t even notice.
All the abuse, all the gas-lighting, all the deceit. All the lies.
I was never a victim. I was a groomed intentional acquisition. ….. And then it was done. Soul Contract complete. Over. Relief.
I eventually could dance again in my meditation. I could dance again with the divine. I could dance in my dreams. Yet I hadn’t danced in my human. Some things change you. Innocence of the heart is precious. My innocence in my heart was my dance.
Slowly she starts to dance…….
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